I was told by someone this week that they are unhappy. It struck me as being incredibly sad as what they were actually saying is that they were unable to find peace in what they had. Whether consciously or subconsciously, they were seeking something new or different on a constant basis. They were involved in the constant process of chasing but never attaining. Exhausting.
I understood what they meant. At one time I was certainly seeking solace in purchasing my way to happiness or thinking that I needed to look different or be different and that this would be the key to overwhelming happiness. There are some things I can’t even say here but suffice to say, I felt really unhappy. I used to look at people and wonder how they could be happy. What was it that they had or did that I didn’t have or couldn’t do.
It took me a while to work out that happiness can be realised by simply making a decision to not be like that anymore. A wise friend told me that all she did was create her own happiness rather than rely on others and this struck a chord with me. I read many, many books and practiced (yes, I really had to) thinking about others. I imagined how they felt and tried to work out (sometimes by asking) what made them happy. I also learnt to take a step back and view life differently. My conclusions were actually quite simple:
- You can actually decide to be happy. I never realised that I thought negatively or was influenced by others who spoke negatively. Once I noticed this, I could avoid those who focused on being “toxic” and made an active move to be with people who are upbeat and happy. Overtime, I developed the ability to encourage people to say positive things.
- By deciding to be happy, other positive things happen which in turn make you happy. There are many theories as to why this happens, but it does. Some focus on the Law of Attraction and others focus on their faith. Some say it is just adopting an attitude to life but you do need to make that decision.
- By being grateful, you are happy for what you have. Sometimes this does require digging really deep. It may be that you start by being grateful for the fact that you have feet so you can walk. But by practising every day, spending a few minutes being grateful by writing down what you are grateful for, over time you will see that you become more and more grateful for what you have and your attitude to life does become happier.
- Think of yourself less. In turn you think of others more and if it is possible to find a positive way to speak or help another person, you will boost your self esteem and feel happier. You will see the positive consequences of your actions
- Treat yourself. This was certainly a winner for me but not expensive. I would set a limit of a “treat” present and as I was out and about, if I saw something that made me smile I would buy it and keep it. When a day came that I needed a boost to happiness, I would seek out a gift to me. Worked everytime.
Feeling excited: a new team member this week. Being caught up in their happiness and enthusiasm is infectious.
Felt nervous and excited as we signed all the documents to enable exchange to take place on our house. Our house move is churning up all sorts of emotions.
Found out that application to a cause does heap rewards:
“Your life only gets better when you do. Work on yourself and the rest will follow”
This week I’ve re-watched Hector and the Search for Happiness. A great film based on the book (of the same name) which I loved. The book is also well worth a read. A quirky style, a simple story but it does convey important advice for life.
If you would like to improve your life but are stuck as to how to go forward, contact me.0